Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oh you better believe Wanda wanted to know where the fuck I was. I guess I thought since I missed Thursday and wasn't coming back until Tuesday people would forget I wasn't there. This wasn't the case. Right away when I walk in the lady that controls and wrangles all us factory workers asked me what happened. I didn't know exactly what to say, so I did what I always do in the factory. I lied.
" Oh man! My phone broke and I didn't wake up at all."
She wasn't buying this.
" SO I WENT TO VERIZON AND BITCHED THEM OUT AND HAD TO PAY 200 DOLLARS FOR A NEW PHONE!"
She understood this and quickly her annoyance with me turned into sympathy. You have to remember these people do not know I drive a Mercedes and that I am really some dumb white girl who wants money for a closet zoo. She felt bad for me and I kept going about just how angry I was. Money speaks at the factory.
Paula was next. I go into the room with the line I work on. She was different, which is why I love her. She didn't ask where I was all she said was "Hennifer! You did not show Thursday! I almost call 911! I was worried!"
All joking of course and I said "Ohhh that's why the cops were at my house."
She loved it, we were best friends.
And now Wanda. Wanda walks in.
"Owwww gurl! You weren't here! What happened! Where were you!"
I gave here the same story and it went the same as with the other lady, she didn't really care until I said they charged me 200 dollars.
"TWO HUNDRED! Damn girl! I know I don't got that kinda money just laying around."
"Uhhh, yeah it was a bad day."

Overall the day sucked. I went to my first station to pack the sealed tubs and they switched the fucking boxes on me. Now I was doing my job of putting the tubs in the boxes but also the next guys job of putting another box on top. Fifteen minutes in I was sweating and struggling. This may sound easy but it is the hardest shit in the world. Wanda and her friend I had never seen before kept making me boxes and giving them to me. I was working in a fucking tower of boxes, boxes everywhere, and it took me about twenty minutes to get behind. Before I knew it I was holding up the entire line because I couldn't get the tubs off the holding table quick enough. While I huffed and puffed grabbing tubs and boxes Wanda kept saying "Gurrl!! This is what happens when you miss a day! You bein' punished!"
She said that like six times, and then Paula ran over to me, said something to me in Spanish, I just stood there and she pushed me out of the way to get me caught up. It was a sad sight. I couldn't even do the job. I sat there and really thought about just getting up and leaving, or going to the bathroom and not coming back. I was pissed. I was pissed that everyone was making boxes and no one was helping me. And I was pissed that Paula had to come rescue me. Paula caught me up and left and was def annoyed with me. It sucked. I stayed mad for like ten minutes until this guy from the line across from us walked by and said hi to me. I said hi back and then Wanda goes " Jennifer you know Roni??"
"Yeah we have talked before."
"Oh you better not talk to him! He my baby daddy!!"
It took me the rest of the day to figure out she was joking, though I'm still not positive. I couldn't stay mad and remember that I was working at a garlic factory.

I was off my game the rest of the day. When I had to put the empty tubs on the line I crushed like seven because I put them in wrong and wasn't paying attention. When I was on cap watch I spilled somewhere around 5 tubs of garlic and got it all over myself and poor Paula. Finally I built the boxes and prayed Target would call me.

The best part of my day is when Becky showed up with lunch. My pathetic self just happened to be heading to my car to sit there to avoid the people because I am a loser, when I walked up and Becky was parked right next to me. I almost cried. She came bearing a sub and conversation. I fell more in love with her that day. I thought about not going back in and just leaving her, of course I didn't, Wanda would kill me.

My back is killing me.



My life :(

May 13th-14th

So this weekend Bianca, Becky and I went to Fort Myers to visit a friend from high school. We left Thursday night around 9 and began our drive south. On the way Becky and Bianca had some taco bell while I ate some hot dogs and rice that Mark made me. The drive was long and we played numerous rounds of the name game and for a brief 5 or 10 minutes talked about how none of us have been pulled over and definitely haven't gotten a ticket (FORESHADOWING).
The drive went on and we had been on some creepy, back, country roads for most of the drive (all one lane), and the turn for South 75 was finally coming. Seconds before the turn off however, Becky decided to spill a drink so... rushing to her aid I missed the turn off and also sped pass a police car going 73 in a 55 mile zone.
I got pulled over on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. The cop came to my window, told me what I did wrong, and took my info. A few minutes later another cop, who seemed to appeared from the storage place across the street, walked up. We sat in the car and waited. I tried to tell myself it wasn't a big deal if I got ticket while Bianca and Becky talked about the irony. He came back and I got a warning. Thank god because the ticket would have been 276. So I thanked him and got ready to go, but I was then asked if I had a long list of various items in my car. One of which included " a suitcase of money in the trunk." This I did not have, though thought it was hilarious to cut him off and say "don't have the money, but WISH I DID!!" He asked us to get out of the car to do a search. We all got out. Some weird stuff happened. I said we lived in Fort Myers for some reason (and so did the cop), but had no clue what my address was... however in the end it was all good and we just got warnings and no one was arrested. We continued on the journey.
We got to the fort and it was a nice weekend. We went to the Koreshan Settlement, and for the first time in a year I went to the beach.
It was a low key weekend and I realized that people in Fort Myers do not believe in air conditioning. We got back Saturday night and went out. Work on Monday, back to the factory.

The house were all the wives slept. Up top was their man slave's room.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Remember when I said drove home and passed out yesterday, well I did that exactly. I got up at 2 p.m. I missed work because my phone never went off... I'll keep you updated, though I do not see them getting rid of me since I contribute to the diversity there.
The garlic crew when I didn't show up, except they probably didn't notice and they are people and not individual toes. I bet Wanda was pisssssed though.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wanda (that is indeed her name) is starting trouble. Today when I got in she asked me if I had a car.
"You got a car?"
"oh, yeah I do.. well it's my parents car."
"Oh so no car payments, thats nice"
"Yeah.."
Wanda is so nosy. The kid questions can be taken as small talk to spark some kind of conversation but now I feel like she is like trying to figure me out.
" What kinda car is it?"
"uhhhhh..."
Side story goes like this. When in high school I drove a mercury montaineer, my mom's old car. Plain white SUV, nothing special and I loved it. When I went away to college in Boston they sold the car. When I transferred back down to Florida I needed a car and somehow ended up with an 05 Mercedes Benz 230. This was again my Mom's old car. However I feel the need to point out we are not Mercedes Benz people. My parents got this car as a tremendous treat for their hardwork. We had never owned a car like that beforehand and haven't since it (my Mom's next car was a Honda Acura). ANYWAYS I got the car. Their logic: it was safe, better mileage, and dependable. And at this point I definitely wasn't going to complain, I mean my parent's were giving me an extremely nice car. Initially I did worry people would think I was some rich asshole, but very quickly got over it because it was a sweet car and people who know me are very much aware I'm no rich bitch with my Malt Liquor and Walmart clothes.
After my first day of work I called my dad and his first question to me was " where did you park the car, was it safe?" He asked this without knowledge of my Mother's first question to me that day "does anyone know you drive a Mercedes? did anyone see you get in it?"
Neither knew the other was just as concerned about the car. And while I completely understand their concern for the car and what some people might do to me if they know I drive a Mercedes, it was a little annoying. So when Wanda asked what kind of car I drove...
"Uhhhh..... a Corolla, Toyota Corolla"
"Hmh" Wanda shrugged and went back to boxes.
I lied about my car. Right away I realized I now needed to park even farther away just to make sure no one ever saw me getting in, not because they might "try to follow me home" according to my Mother, but because I lied! Wanda is going to hate me....
The day went as usual, though my eyes did not close up this time, but my back was just as sore. I spilled two garlic tubs while making sure the caps were on correctly (which they weren't), BUT I saved around 6 tubs from spilling, which is what Paula reminded me of to keep my garlic spirits up.
After the caps I folded the boxes, but folded too many and had to break them down right after finishing them.
On my lunch break I had some soup Becky made me which I was so excited for. Really, a little too excited for ( it kept me going through the bending down part of the line). I waited ten minutes to heat it up, found a seat next to this chubby, seventeen looking boy, who was also alone and destroying his couple days old friend chicken and started to eat. BUT, I realized I didn't pack a spoon. I almost panicked but then casually, not like I was about to cry, circled the lunch room looking for a spoon. I was willing to pick one off the floor even. No spoon. I slumped back into my chair and a single tear came to my eye. My break was almost over, I was starving and I couldn't eat my lunch. I started at the soup and felt like a fat twelve year old who just got called fat. After doing that for a while I noticed a Styrofoam cup in the corner of my eye. I jumped for it. I grabbed the cup and poured my soup it.
I drank my chicken tortilla soup in about thirty seconds, getting some on my chin which I didn't find until my ride home. I knew Wanda was looking at something.
On my last break of the day I was walking past the lunchroom heading for outside when this guy started pounding on the window facing the hallway. He wanted a cigarette. I thought well if I say yes he will think he can always get one from me. If I say no, they might just sit their and talk shit about me. I gave him one.
At four my day was over and my ripped off my hairnet and destroyed latex gloves with my fingers poking out (which I'm pretty sure defeats the purpose). I drove home and passed out.


Me, without the smile, unless it is lunchtime and I have spoon.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Well I complied with what I was told and did not wear anything that could get caught in moving machinery, however, this did not protect me from getting extremely physically and mentally hurt.

I showed up at 6:45 in the morning outside the garlic factory. I was told to wait in front and as I walked up the side of the bulilding looked like a labor ready with all different types of people scatter about drinking coffee, smoking their 6th cigarette of the day, or graciously greeting the only white people who rushed past them. I stayed in the front. Eventually I was met outside, brought in, given a name tag, and then proceeded to wander around the place until someone told me what to do. I did not see the guy who hired me ever again.
I landed in the assembly line that produces the giant tubs of garlic, the kind one would find in a Sams Club, Costco, or low quality Italian Restaurant. A hairnet, safety goggles, and latex gloves were shoved at me and I started at the end of the line. For somewhere around two hours I grabbed the giant tubs, flipped them upside down, and put them in boxes. Labels out I attacked those tubs trying to keep up with them as they flowed down the line much faster then they were being put away.
Overall this place was pretty crazy, no one speaks english, well not real english. It is either Spanglish or Ebonish ( a word I think I made up). The people are generally pretty nice, when I was lost someone tried to help me but I walked away smiling because I didn't know what was happening. I do not know where the bathroom is.
While working with boxing the tubs a lady folding boxes across from me asked if I was married. Aww thats sweet I thought, she is starting small talk because she feels bad for me sweating five minutes into work, fucking up a very simple job.
"Nah... not yet! ha!" was my reply to her obvious joke.
"Any kids?" Ohhhhh... she wasn't kidding about the married thing.
"No." And that is all I said as my fake smile faded into fake comfort with where I was.
"Awww gurl, you doing good!"..... at least she was genuine. I put my head down and laughed to myself because I was working in a garlic factory.
After my first two hours we had a ten minute break. The entire place emptied outside for a cigarette. Myself included. For most of the day I just followed the hairnets around.
Break over, I moved down the line and wound up in the front of it. For the next two hours I was putting the empty tubs onto the conveyor belt. This required me to bend down to grab them, every.single.time. Ten minutes in I was about to break. My eyes sung from the fucking garlic, I smelled, my back was killing me, and just like putting the tubs into boxes, putting the tubs onto the line was more difficult that it needed to be. I managed to fuck it up somehow. The only thing I did here was put the tubs on the line and just make sure they face the same direction. Nope, couldn't do it. I crushed three or four tubs in the cleaning part because I put them in wrong causing this horrendous screech and shutting down the line. I also dropped somewhere around ten tubs just because I suck. They have to be thrown out if they touch the floor. Across from me the other line was producing jars of the same garlic we were, but with generic labels. The woman putting the jars into the line was wear scrubs while the rest of us just wore jeans or sweat pants. In her decked out scrubs she gave me dirty looks and constantly stared at me waiting for me to fuck up, while I did when she watched me, asshole. I made fun of her for a while in my head because thinking is really the other thing to do. This was fun, until the combination of my back pain and the intimate relationship I was developing with the plastic tubs set in. I went Shining. I started feeling bad for the plastic tubs and what a horrible, shitty life they have because they have to spend so much time in this factory. I wish I was making this up. For a brief, very brief second, because scrubs was staring at me, I think I got a little depressed thinking about the tubs. Eventually the lunch bell rang (yes, breaks and lunch function on a demonic bell system), everyone dropped their shit and ran for the lunch room. I made my way back to my car and for I think around two minutes (but felt like eternity) I literally couldn't open my stinging eyes, which retreated with the sun scaring the fuck out of them. I had to flush my eyes with my tears while talking to mom and eventually when to the lunch room with everyone else.
Much like the first day of high school I looked clueless, stupid, and sad as I sauntered around with my fake carelessness and eventually sat down at a table.
One hundred percent not on purpose, I sat down at the WASP table. This is where the only white people, the ones I talked about earlier, sat. But I didn't even notice where I was til I heard their conversations of crafts and timeshares. I looked up and looked around and we were all at the same table. However when the bell rang again and I got up, I could feel their misjudgments of me in their heads, all over me.
Back to the line. I now sit on a backless stool and touch every single cap on every single tub to make sure its on correctly. The machine that puts the caps on is a bitch and just flat out skips tubs all the time, resulting in me quickly grabbing them, getting minced garlic juice all over me, and putting a cap on, or.... just completely pushing over tubs also getting minced garlic juice all over me. Win, win. Did this for another two hours and spilled a lot. Another break.
Finally the job I couldn't wait for. I was at the back of the line again however this time I simply folded boxes. This I did semi-flawlessly. I was told to slow down many times by random people I didn't listen to, but that was about it. Another two hours gone and the day was supposed to be over. Another hour goes passes as I watched two women spray down the entire room just to push the water into a drain for about two seconds before I was dismissed.
All in all, very interesting day. I am glad that I made it, but sad to think about having to work tomorrow. I did nine hours of the hardest easy work there is and I sucked at most of it. After today I realized two things
1) I only know my supervisors name, Paula. And there is a possiblity that the woman who asked about my life was named Wanda. We'll see.
2) For wanting a job where I did not have to think, that is all I fucking did.
This is my scent now, and forever. I reek.

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Becky and I.

Becky (my girlfriend, see above) went to work at what I think was eleven in the morning. I slept through her leaving and woke up around one. I rose with nothing on my schedule similar to the day before and the day before that. This summer so far has consisted of me going to applying for jobs, feeding my bearded dragon Yoshi, and resurrecting my Pokemon addiction on Gameboy. The ladder one being the most prevalent in my life.... until I got a very anticipated phone call.
I played Pokemon in bed for a around an hour and half. I texted Bianca (my oldest, dearest friend) after a while and we went to lunch. At lunch I ate a giant B.L.T. and Bianca and I stared at a one of the restaurant patrons who unfortunately had a pee stain on his pants. After lunch we stopped at Petsmart just to look around and 20 minutes later we left with two mice, that I named Laverne and Shirley, and a bunch of mice shit. Mice shit that I spent my only cash on. (I will elaborate on the animals in my life at the bottom of this.) We went back to her house and set up the mice's living area in an old storage container with a missing lid. They were cute and we played with them for somewhere close to fifteen minutes.Unfortunately Laverne had a shitting issue. And this is where it gets exciting.
I'd say we were probably on our third hour of Arrested Development on her computer, when my phone started ringing. It was the guy that interviewed me a few weeks prior for a heavily desired poisiton at a garlic factory in Orlando. I'll explain.
This was just one of the many jobs I have applied for the in the past months, and is also one of the many I have applied for off of a Craigslist ad. Out of somewhere around fifty-five jobs, the garlic people were the only ones who called me back. He told me (did not ask) to show up at the factory at 6:45 am and to not wear anything that could get caught in moving machinery. I have no idea what to expect at the factory though I am not picturing anything farther than what the real (human) Laverne & Shirley did on TV. They worked at a factory on an assembly line for something and it was all smiles, teamwork, and great inner satisfaction for them, I think it will be exactly the same for me. I plan on lying to my parents about how far away it is. Not because I enjoy lying to them but because the other day they found out I was going to deliver some monthly Christian Magazine for some extra money. My father did not take the news well and he made me cry in front of my family because of the "damage" delivering some shitty, free, magazine once a month, was going to do to the Mercedes Benz I drive, which I'm sure I'll explain later. Apparently he has a fear of me using the car for anything other than driving to school and back to Clearwater to see them. So I told them it was fifteen minutes away. In reality its almost half an hour and I go through around four tolls to get there.
This is what happened to me today. I will be working at a garlic factory tomorrow and possibly delivering a Christian Newspaper at some point this week.
And now for the animals. When I move into my apartment this summer (July 15th) I plan on opening a zoo in my walk-in closet. This will include my bearded dragon and the mice so far. If all goes well with the garlic I will hopefully be adding a hedgehog, maybe a prairie dog, defintely some sugar gliders, another reptile, and a cat, named Obama. I think it's a good plan. Last semester I partially owned a Rabbit named Thomas Jefferon, but he was not litter box trained like the flea market employee assured us, it was waste of eight dollars and we left him free.
But now I must go because I did not caught Snorlax last time I ran into him in Pokemon and this is my last chance. Also my Pokemon character's name is DickBit.

Myself walking Jefferson before we decided he belonged in the wild.




Yoshi in a perfectly sized sombrero.